Mere Duchess

Kelly’s Dilemma

I sometimes feel bad for Kelly Rowland.  She’s like the Jan Brady to Beyonce’s Marsha Marsha Marsha.  I guess she’s more famous than Michelle ThirdStringReplacement or any of the other various former DC members but she’s still an afterthought, nonetheless.  Beyonce’s been in several critically acclaimed hit movies (“Dreamgirls”, “Cadillac Records”…) but to date, Rowland’s biggest film role was as the token sassy black girl in “Freddy vs. Jason.”  (She didn’t even make it to the end, y’all.)

One one hand, don’t cry for her Argentina.  For the rest of her life, she’ll make millions in royalties and has a couple of Grammys to boot (in non-televised categories-sigh.)  But she’s obviously not content to sit back and harvest the fruits of her labor (?), and that’s the problem.  Her constant attempts to reestablish herself as a relevant public figure have reeked of desperation and are just plain embarrassing.  Let’s first review her forays into music, sans Beowulf.  Miz Kelly has released three solo albums, which have sold a total of 4 million copies worldwide.  While this would be great for an emerging artist, it’s dropped-by-your-label territory for a name (formerly) as big as hers.  It’s also cringeworthy that she still does the big name promo circuit (instead of rebranding herself as more of a niche act, like Mandy Moore) and has sales this paltry.  To date, her most well known work has been as the hook girl on Nelly’s 2002 hit, “Dilemma.”

Most recently, Rowland was dropped from Bravo’s “The Fashion Show” and replaced by the infinitely more talented and amazing Iman.  How far into the ground did Rowland drive the ratings for this show that the producers dropped after Season One?  Or, better yet, why’d they even both with her in the first place if Iman was get-able?  I’m thinking producers invite her onto a project looking for a Beyonce-by-proxy effect and just hope for the best. 

Kelly would do better taking a page from the book of Mary Wilson, the former Supreme (and besides Diana, the only surviving founding member.)  After so-so post-Supremes efforts, she moved back to Detroit.  She’s now an alderwoman on the City Council, and does occassional concerts.  Other than the living in Detroit part, doesn’t that sound like a great life kind of? 

Or…she could always marry rich.  Either way, I just wish she’d stop shoving herself down our throats.  It’s your choice Rowland — Mary Wilson or Jermaine Jackson.  Just saying.