Little Big Man
I hate clothes shopping. It sucks because I used to love it but then I got fat and yeah, I hate it now. I was hardly built like a male model before, but was thin enough to wear whatever I wanted. I was particularly fond of blazers - tartan plaid, velvet, gabardine…I loved and wore them all. Now, there’s so much to consider (ie. button diameter, lapel width) that I’ve moved on to v-necks and cardigans. In short, I’ve gone from sharply dressed dandy to spiffy librarian.
Let me be clear — I’m not complaining. I was a verifiable mess at my thinnest, and am the happiest and most together I’ve ever been at my heftiest. I’m just frustrated at not being able to outwardly express my joy. I rather defiantly bought a horizontally striped black and white shirt a couple of years ago. When I wore it out that night, I was overwhelmed by what I thought was positive feedback regarding my bold fashion choice. Drunk sorority girls shrieked “I love your shirt!” from their Escalades, and one guy commented, “Nice stripes” mid-puke in an alley. Eventually, I realized people were laughing at me and my stripes. Basically, I thought I looked like this
…but really looked like this.
It was then that it really sunk in that my rotundity was itself intrinsically whimsical, so I had to be wary of coming across as a joke. My wardrobe choices were going to have get more subdued, or my exercise regiment a lot more rigorous.
Now I’m starting to wonder how far to take this new found conservatism. I’ve become sort of paranoid, considering buying new furniture (big man in a little…chair?) and wondering if my brightly colored footwear has to go as well. My plan is to spend this summer experimenting with “just enough” color to keep me looking fresh, but not like Bernie Mac (bless his soul.) Not Susan has suggested lavender purple tones, and I’ve purchased a couple of items in lighter shades of green.
We’ll see. I might just say “Screw it”, and channel Andre Leon Talley. I mean, how could life not be awesome wearing this:
