As long as someone’s willing to publish something about Lindsay “It’s Just Water” Lohan, I will read it.  I used to deny it, and say that “it’s just sad, now” and then go buy an US Weekly with her on the cover to see which exclusive club/VFW Hall/LA County Jail she was stumbling out of that week.  But I’m done with the frontin’ and the lies; you know why?  Because you all do the same thing.  We love, love, love us some drunk, messy Lindsay.  It’s not even a “decline” anymore, it’s simply her natural state.  And it’s hilarious. 

Failing a drug test the very month that your Vanity Fair cover story (complete with vigorous denials of substance abuse) hits newsstands?  Claiming someone poured vodka down your leg, and that’s why your booze-monitoring anklet went off at a VMA afterparty?  Posing for a picture (in France) of you next to a plate of coke the very same day you told the judge you couldn’t make it to court due to ”passport issues”? 

Girl, please.  You are cracking. me. up.

But what’s really funny are the details emerging from her last foray into covergirl-dom.  So, Plum Magazine offers this bitch a cover-story and pictorial and exposure on their national media channels.  Lindsay Lohan…who hasn’t done anything (besides blow) in years but get paid to make cameos in straight to DVD/limited release-in the bad way- flicks(yes, I know…”Machete”…but it was a glorified cameo…) and at nightclubs, but still bills herself as an “actress”…someone was going to let her talk and listen and put it in print.  And do you know what she does?  She flakes on the interview.

Whomp.

But at least we have the pictures.  You know them by now…the played out side boob shot…

her looking lost and glamorous in a hotel lobby (Did you know she lived in the Chateau Marmont for over two years?!  Suze Orman would have a fit!)…blah, blah, blah.  Also, this person is only 25 years old.

What’s awesome is that the writer decides that instead of just printing the pics, she’d document the time she spent in the vortex of nuts that is Camp Lohan.  Apparently, she got her underage sister drunk, was in tears over a pair of missing heels (don’t you get the feeling she’s the girl who is always crawling around the floor of the club at closing?), and in the best episode, yells  “Move that cone. I’m Lindsay Lohan” to who she assumed (and we hope actually was) a parking attendant.  Too bad whoever he was did.  ‘Cause she definitely hit him up for a twenty once she did the rest of her stash in the lobby bathroom.  At least he got to feed her some humble pie.  (She then returned to the lobby bathroom and threw it back up, though.)

You can read more in depth about the Lohan crazy here: http://gawker.com/5820809/lindsay-lohan-indignant-that-she-was-not-considered-for-black-swan

Can someone please get this girl a reality show stat?!  I need more than vignettes, and photo outtakes and the occassional TMZ video.  I need full on, first person narration of the nuts.  Because while she’s no longer an actress, she’s one hell of an entertainer.